Master Backseat Driver from the Stars and Beyond!
by SpookyChild
Summary: “Never you fear, my girly-little Aibou, for your Yami is a master backseat driver! I’ll make sure you’ll pass your driving test!” This what Bakura tells Ryou. Who knew a car ride could turn into the craziest roadtrip ever?
1. Ryou's Amazing Driving Skills!

Bakura:

Master Backseat

Driver from the Stars 

and__

_Beyond!_****

By:

_SpookyChild_

Author's Notes:

Bakura: Why am I doing this again?

Ryou: Doing what, Yami?

Bakura: Participating in this story.

Ryou: Don't you remember how much the author is paying us?

Bakura: No.

Ryou: *hands him a slip of paper. *

Bakura: Is that her phone number?

Ryou: Nope.

Bakura: Wow! I love this story! Come on, aibou, we got us some shopping to do!

Ryou: But I have to do the disclaimer!

Bakura: Hurry up, then!

Ryou: Spooky doesn't own anything! WAIT UP, YAMEEEEEE!

*The two crazy people run out the door. *

Chapter One: Ryou's Amazing Driving Skills!

Ryou plopped down in his seat, pulling the box of Lucky Charms to him. Bakura sat across from him, finishing his fifth bowl of cereal. He noticed the worried look on Ryou's face and smirked.  

"What's wrong today, Woman? Hey! Watch what you're doing!"

Bakura snatched the milk bottle away from Ryou's hand. The boy had poured too much on his cereal, and now it was overflowing. Bakura grabbed a towel and started to clean up the mess.

"What the Hell is wrong with you, anyway?" Bakura growled at Ryou.

Ryou sighed, "My driving test is tomorrow. I'm worried because I haven't practiced in a while." He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Bakura snapped his fingers as a thought crossed his spiky head.

"Never you fear, my girly-little Aibou, for your Yami is a master backseat driver! I'll make sure you'll pass your driving test!"

Ryou blinked at him. Bakura rolled his eyes.

"In other words, ROADTRIP!" he shouted, bounding upstairs to get ready. "Meet you in the car!"

"But-!" Ryou attempted to stop his Yami, but it was futile.

Bakura stuck his head down the stairs, an angry expression on his face. "I_ said, meet you in the car_!"

Ryou shrunk back against the wall. "O-okay."

After tedious minutes of trying on all of Ryou's clothes, Bakura strode down the stairs, wearing black leather pants, a leather jacket, and a black tank top with the words "Tomb Raider" on it. He wore sunglasses on top of his hair. 

"Okay, I'm ready- YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT IN _THAT_, ARE YOU?!" He stared in horror at Ryou, who wore a blue sweatshirt over faded black jeans.

"What's wrong with this?" Ryou asked innocently, looking down at himself. 

Bakura shoved him up the stairs and kicked him in the butt. "GO CHANGE!"

Ryou started up the stairs, grumbling and rubbing his backside.

After more tedious changing, Ryou finally found the right clothing.

Bakura tapped his foot impatiently. "ARE YOU READY YET, WOMAN?!" he screamed.

"Just, just hold on!" Ryou called back. The door to his room opened and Ryou walked out wearing an olive green shirt over dark blue jeans, with a lighter blue jean jacket. "Is this okay?"

Bakura frowned. "For the love of Ra, have you no fashion sense?"

"You wore this last week!" 

"Yeah, well, I looked better in it!"

"We look the same!"

"Like Hell we do!"

Ryou shook his head. "Just…just get in the car."

Bakura obeyed and left the house. Ryou opened the car door and got in. Bakura just stared.

"_This isn't a car! This is a station wagon_!"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Just get in."

"No!"

"Get in."

"No!"

"_Get in now_!"

"Fine!" Bakura got in and slammed the door angrily.

Ryou started adjusting the mirrors so he could drive properly. "Okay then. Mirror in the right place?"

Bakura set the mirror on himself. "Check."

Ryou reached over and readjusted the mirror. Bakura glared at him.

"Car in drive?" Ryou looked down. "Check." He looked behind him. "Everything out of the driveway? Check."

He placed his hands on the steering wheel. "Okay, hands in 2 o'clock and 10 o'clock positions, and I am now backing up."

Bakura frowned. "That's the sissy way to drive. You're supposed to throw caution to the wind and just go."

"Shut up. Okay, I'm backing up." Ryou backed down the driveway. "Okay, and off we go."

"Okay, doing good", Bakura urged. "Okay, speed up. Speed up. A little more-SLOW DOWN! ARE YOU WATCHING THE SPEED LIMIT?!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"Then stop being so stupid! Okay, turn left here. No, not _here_, here!"

"I know where I'm going!" Ryou snapped.

"You're sure not acting like it! Okay, slow down a little bit."

"Why?" Ryou glared at his Yami.

"Can't you see the stop sign?!"

"No."

"Yeah! Because you just passed it!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

"I'M NOT YELLING!" Bakura obviously…yelled…

"Then what are you doing now?!"

"Shut up and drive! Okay, speed up a little. Not too fast. SLOW DOWN!"

"What now?!" Ryou growled impatiently.

"Can't you see that tree?!" Bakura pointed ahead.

Ryou looked forward to see a tree about ten houses down, and nowhere near the road. "I'm nowhere near that tree! I'm not going to hit it!!"

Bakura shoved Ryou hard, so he swerved recklessly off and on the road.

"You see? You're driving crazy! Pull over!"

"What?! No way! I'm the one who has to pass my driving test!" Ryou shrieked.

"You'll never pass your driving test if you keep driving like that!"

"W-what?! You shoved me!"

"I did nothing of the sort!"

"That's it!" Ryou pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face his Yami. "Get in the back!"

"What did you say?" Bakura's eyes narrowed.

"Get in the back!"

"No!"

"Go sit in the back!"

"No!"

"_GET IN THE BACK_!" Ryou screamed.

"FINE!" Bakura screamed back, climbing over the seat. He leaned forward and pointed. "Turn right up here."

"Okay." Ryou replied calmly and turned left.

Bakura's face turned red with anger. "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

"Hey, do you want to go back into the Ring?"

"I'd like to see you make me go back!"

"Try me."

Bakura choked back an angry scream and slumped back in his seat. To pass the time, he started kicking Ryou's chair.

"So much for the 'Master Backseat Driver'."

------------------

(A/N)

Where will the dysfunctional duo end up next? Will Bakura be able to sit up front again? Will Ryou pass his driving test? What will come of the poor diners, gas stations, and supermarkets that are in our driver's way? And will Ryou and Bakura's road trip be full of humorous antics? You bet your sweet fanny! Stay tuned for Chapter Two; "Mister Bakura's Wild Ride!"

Until the future happens (which it often does.), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts. 


	2. Mister Bakura's Wild Ride!

Bakura:

Master Backseat

Driver from the Stars 

and__

_Beyond!_****

By:

_SpookyChild_

Author's Notes:

Wowsers, I've been having some technical difficulties with this story! But, I'm _hoping _it's been cleared up. Chapter two is HERE! I'm actually planning to do a 'Bakura the Master' saga, so this story is part one of that saga. So, you can look forward to many more Bakura and Ryou stories in the future. Woo, I should just shut up and let you read the story.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, nor do I own Bakura or Ryou. I don't own Aqua either. I also don't own 'House of Pancakes', and after what happens to our duo, I don't want to own it. Uh, I don't own McDonalds or 7-11. Oh, and I don't own Lucky Charms. Um, I think that's it.

Chapter Two: Mister Bakura's Wild Ride! 

"You know what?"

"_What_?" Bakura snapped, mad because he had to sit in the back.

"I never finished my breakfast."

"Yeah, well, I had five bowls of Lucky Charms."

Ryou ignored the irritated tone in his Yami's voice. "You want to get some breakfast?"

Bakura perked up at the idea of food. "Hell yeah!"

"Keep your eyes out for a restaurant, then."

Bakura looked out the window. "Is that a restaurant?" he asked, pointing to McDonalds.

"Barely." Ryou replied. "Keep looking."

Bakura pressed his face against the glass. "Is that a restaurant?" 

Ryou looked over to see a 7-11. "No, but we need to get gas anyway." Ryou pulled off the road and stopped by the gas pump. As he was filling the gas tank, he handed Bakura a wad of bills. "Tell the guy at the counter 'Ten on pump two', and hand him this. You can count, right?"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "I'm not stupid." He walked over to the building, the doors automatically opening. Bakura grumbled. "Lazy generation. Back in my day we had to open our _own_ doors. And they were heavy too!" he said a little too loudly, catching the eye of the cashier. The guy looked out the window at Ryou, then back at Bakura.

"Are you the guy at the counter?" Bakura obviously asked the guy at the counter. The guy raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah."

"Ten on pump two." Bakura said, handing him what was probably ten dollars, give or take a few bucks. The cashier put the money in the cash register. 

"Hey, aren't you two a little young to be driving?" The cashier inquired, handing him back his change. Bakura smirked.

"Excuse me, _slave_, but I'm old enough to be your ancestor."

"Whatever you say." The cashier raised his eyebrow again, then thought _'Poor guy, obviously he's stoned out of his mind.'_

Bakura looked around the store, and then looked at the sale rack next to him on the counter. There stood one lone pack of Duel Monster cards.

_'My little Hikari would like those'_, he thought, toying with the wrapper. He shook his head suddenly and jerked his hand away. _'Damn, I think I'm going soft.' _ He smirked. _'He'd probably be all happy and start hugging me…right…'_

After being lectured by the cashier to lay off the 'wacky tobacky', Bakura walked out of the 7-11 with the last pack of Duel Monsters cards.

"Here." He shoved the pack of cards into Ryou's hand. Ryou looked down startled, then back at his Yami.

"T-thanks, Yami!" Ryou blushed crimson. 

Bakura grumbled. "Where's my hug…?"

Ryou looked over at his Yami with questioning eyes. "What?"

"Just-just shut up and get in the car! I'm driving!" Bakura yelled, shoving Ryou into the passenger seat. As he pulled out of the parking lot, Ryou reached over and put a tape in the stereo.

"What the Hell is that?" Bakura asked as Ryou fiddled with the knobs.

"It's a tape of my favorite song!" Ryou smiled, turning the stereo on. Aqua's "Happy Boys and Happy Girls" blasted through the speakers. Ryou began to sing along. "Happy boys and happy girls we'll be! We are the happy boys and girls!"

"What the Hell is this?!" Bakura screamed over the music. Ryou smiled at him.

"It's Aqua! Don't you like it?" Ryou asked, practically bouncing in his seat.

Bakura's eyes widened. " Like it?! This is horrible! What are you, _gay_?" 

"No!" Ryou cried defensively. There was an awkward silence. Ryou decided to break it.

"…Are you?"

"For the love of… Just listen to your damn music!" Bakura yelled, turning up the stereo. He looked off to the side for a minute. "Is that a restaurant?" he pointed. Ryou leaned over slightly to see a 'House of Pancakes'.

"Hmmm…yeah, that'll do." 

Bakura pulled over and parked. Ryou got out first.

"Okay, just do what I do and _don't make a scene_. Just promise to be good, okay?" Ryou warned.

Bakura started walking towards the door. "Damnit, I know! I'm not five!"

"Just making sure!" 

Bakura grumbled, but followed. A waitress greeted them as soon as they entered.

"Hello, and welcome! Let me show y'all to a seat!" She greeted with a southern accent. Ryou and Bakura followed her to a small booth in the corner. "Here's you two's menus! Now, can I get you something to drink?"

Ryou scanned the menu briefly. "I'll take an iced tea, unsweetened, please."

"And for you?"

Bakura set the menu down. "Anything with alcohol."

The waitress stared blankly at him, then turned to Ryou. "Is he kidding?"

Ryou kicked Bakura under the table and smiled at the waitress.

"Yes, he is. He'll take coffee-", he stopped and noticed Bakura, who was using the napkin holder to spy on the people behind them, and added quickly, "-decaf, please." She smiled, jotted down their drinks and left.

Bakura put the napkin holder down and started tapping his fingers on the table. "If this is the 'House of Pancakes', how come I can't eat the walls?"

Ryou sighed and put his head in his hands. "Why must you be so difficult?" 

"I'm not being difficult! This is faulty advertising!" 

"It is _not_ faulty advertising! You just like to be difficult! Now be quiet, the waitress is back."

The waitress smiled as she approached. "One iced tea, unsweetened, for cutie pie-", she set the iced tea in front of Ryou, 

"-and one coffee, decaf, for sweet cheeks over here." She laid the coffee in front of Bakura.

Bakura's face turned red with anger. "What did you call me-?"

Ryou interrupted. "Just be quiet and drink you coffee, _sweet cheeks_."

"Why don't you shut your mouth, _cutie pie_?" Bakura snapped back. The waitress smiled.

"So, are y'all twins?"

"No." Bakura said from behind his menu.

"Really? Are y'all brothers?"

"_No_."

"Seriously? So what are you guys?" the waitress asked, confused.

Bakura put down his menu and thought of the right way to put what they 'were'.

"We're soul mates." He concluded.

Ryou started choking on his tea. 

"Oh, so that's it." The waitress said, raising her eyebrow and smiling.

"Oh God…" Ryou groaned, lowering his head into his arms.

Bakura looked confused. "What's the matter, Aibou?"

The waitress grinned as Ryou started shaking his head.

"No, no, no, just stop talking…" Ryou groaned again.

The waitress patted Ryou's back. "Aww, don't be ashamed, cutie pie. I think it's cute that you two are gay. You make an adorable couple."

Bakura's eyes widened. "What-?"

"Now, what can I get you two sweetie's?" the waitress asked, smiling. 

Ryou raised his hand slightly and pointed to a breakfast special including eggs, sausage and hash browns. Bakura, for once with nothing to say, pointed to the same.

"Good to get it out in the open, ain't it?" the waitress chirped and left.

The two boys were silent for a while. Ryou lifted his head slightly.

"Yami?"

"Yes?"

"From now on, you don't get to talk to people, okay?"

Their food arrived rather quickly, and they downed it within minutes. The thing that bothered Bakura the most was that whenever that waitress passed them, she would smile strangely. 

"Let's hurry up and get out of here." Bakura whispered to Ryou, who was putting money on the table. Ryou nodded. Just then, that damn waitress showed up.

"Can I top ya' off, hon?" she asked Bakura, holding a coffee pot.

"No thanks." He replied, starting to get up. All of a sudden, a fat, greasy man showed up behind the waitress holding a deep fryer with hash browns in it.

"More hash browns, sugar?" He asked, smiling evilly.

Ryou and Bakura's eyes widened in horror.

"No!" They screamed in unison, turned and ran out of the 'House of Pancakes'. They jumped into the car.

"God, that was freaky. Remind me never to eat at the 'House of Pancakes' again!" Ryou shrieked.

"For once, you and I agree, my girly-little Aibou!" Bakura smiled excitedly. This was more fun that he thought! They slowed and stopped at a red light. Bakura casually looked over to the side and saw the guy in the car next to him was laughing at something. In fact, he was laughing at them! Bakura rolled down his window.

"Hey, what're laughing at, Ass?" Bakura called to the driver. The driver also rolled down his window.

"That crappy thing you're driving!" he taunted. "Bet you can't drag race in that!"

"Oh yeah?" Bakura leaned out his window a little.

"Yeah! I challenge you!"

Ryou touched his Yami's shoulder. "I don't know, Yami…"

The driver started laughing again. "What are you, gay?!" 

Bakura's face reddened in anger. "Strap yourself in, Aibou! I accept!"

The car driver grinned and pressed on the gas. 

"Hey! CHEATER!" Bakura screamed, hanging out the window. He dropped back down in his seat, buckling his seat belt. "Okay, Aibou, let's see how much juice we got in this baby! MWAHAHAHA!" Bakura laughed evilly and pressed down on the gas and began trailing the other car. Ryou shrieked as he was thrown back in his seat. 

"_Yami, this is illegal_!"  

"Oh, come on! Just enjoy yourself!" Bakura yelled happily. He pulled up next to the car. 

"Did you think you would actually win?" Bakura called to the driver, a sly smirk on his face. The driver looked over angrily and sped up. Bakura smiled evilly. "Oh, so it's a chase you want!" He pressed heavily on the gas. He caught up to the driver and leaned slightly out of his window.

"Okay, you see that red light up there?" he pointed. The driver looked and nodded. Bakura grinned. "It's an old fashioned game of 'Chicken'. Whoever chickens out first and stops at the red light loses. Got that?" he yelled, sitting back down. Ryou frowned.

"Hey, I don't know what they do in Egypt, but in Japan we don't pass red lights!"

"First off, I lived in _ancient_ Egypt. We didn't have any red lights. And second, relax. I'm not going to do anything illegal."

"_What you're doing NOW is illegal_!" Ryou screamed.

"Just watch." Bakura looked over and grinned. The red light was drawing nearer, and the other driver was looking nervous. When the red light was right in front of them, Bakura slammed on the brakes. The driver started laughing.

"HAHA! YOU LOSE! I WIN! I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD CHICKEN OUT! I-!" Then he crashed into oncoming traffic. Ryou and Bakura both looked at each other and cracked up. The light turned green, and Bakura calmly turned left.

"Well", Ryou began, catching his breath, "Mister Bakura, although your wild ride was humorous, I trust there will be no more drag races in the future."

Bakura grinned at him. "Never you fear, for 'Mister Bakura' has officially retired from the drag racing business."

Ryou laughed and looked out the window. "Man", he said, noticing their surroundings, "We are so lost."

-----------------

(A/N)

 Woo boy! End of chapter two! What will happen next? Let me give you some hints:

Laundry Mat ("Fabric softener is ten cents _extra_?")

Blood Drive ("They asked me if I was gay!")

Police Pursuit ("_Yami, we do not need car chase music_!")

And much, much more! Stay tuned for Chapter Three; "We Don't Swing That Way." 

Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


	3. We Don't Swing That Way.

Bakura:

Master Backseat

Driver from the Stars 

and__

_Beyond!_****

By:

_SpookyChild_

Author's Notes:

Chapter Three is here! You may all celebrate. Go on. Dance. Okay, enough of that. Well, I just have a few things to say. I don't know if they give you money for blood donations. But for the sake of the story, they do now. Oh, and for those who don't know, "Kawaita Sakebi" is the first season opening of Yu-Gi-Oh. Um, that's it.

Disclaimer: Like I said before, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I don't own Band-Aids either, not even the ouch-free kind. Oh, and I don't own the Twilight Zone. That's it.

Chapter Three: We Don't Swing That Way.

They had been driving for hours, and the sun was starting to set. Ryou looked around nervously.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" he asked. Bakura shrugged.

"Japan?"

"_I KNOW THAT_!"

"Hey, you were the one who asked! Don't get all bitchy with me."

Ryou started to panic. "If we don't get home by tomorrow, I'm going to miss my driving test! I can't miss it!"

"Relax, we'll get home. But I doubt we'll make it in time. You can reschedule it, right?"

Ryou frowned. "Yes, but I'd rather not. They get really mad and start asking you 'why?'. I can't stand that."

"You see! You can reschedule it!" Bakura replied, obviously ignoring what Ryou just said. Ryou sighed and looked at his watch. 8:23. It was going to be a long night.

"You want me to drive for a while?" Ryou asked. Bakura yawned, then nodded. They pulled over to the side of the road and switched places.

"Don't got to sleep on me, Yami. I want someone to talk to."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." Bakura yawned again, then turned on the radio. 

"And now, "Kawaita Sakebi"." The radio host announced. An upbeat, catchy Japanese song blasted through the speakers. Bakura frowned. 

"What is this crap?" Bakura asked disgustedly. He changed to a different radio station where heavy metal music played. Bakura smiled. 

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" he cried and started banging his head to the music. 

Ryou sighed. It was going to be a _really_ long night. 

***

It was three hours later. Bakura had started to whine.

"Can we pull over for the night?" he, well, whined. Ryou sighed. 

"Well, I guess. We don't seem to be getting anywhere near home. We certainly aren't going to make it home by tomorrow for my driving test." Ryou replied and pulled over to the side. They had long since drove out of the city, and now there was nothing but countryside on either side. Ryou turned off the engine.

"G'night." Bakura grumbled.

"Yami?" Ryou said after a few minutes.

"What?" Bakura snapped, irritated.

"Tell me a story."

"What kind of story?" 

"A bedtime story." Ryou answered. Bakura thought for a minute.

"Once upon a time there lived a prince. He was very happy, because he…ruled a lot of stuff. One day he found a black spot on his face. But, he ignored it. And at the end of the month he died of cancer. The end."

Ryou frowned. "That wasn't a very nice story."

"Yeah, well, nothing is nice about cancer, my naïve-little Aibou."  Bakura pointed out. 

Ryou shook his head. "Good night, Yami." 

"G'night!"

***

Bakura woke up just as the sun was coming up. He looked over to Ryou, who stirred slightly and fell forward.

"_DAMNIT!_" he screamed as his head slammed into the dashboard. Bakura laughed. 

Ryou looked up, rubbing his forehead and grumbling. He glared at Bakura.

"What are you laughing at?!" he growled irritably. 

"It's just that I've never heard you curse before!"

"Yeah, well, the dashboard provoked me." Ryou mumbled sarcastically. The sound of sirens caused Bakura to look behind them.

"Cops." Bakura pointed out indifferently. Ryou's face paled.

"W-what?"

"Some cops just pulled out in back of us. Why, what's the matter?" Bakura asked, noticing Ryou's worried look.

"Well, what we're doing isn't exactly legal." Ryou explained. Bakura looked confused.

"How come?"

"Well, I only have a learner's permit. That means I'm only allowed to drive with a licensed adult. First, you are not an adult. And second, you're not exactly Perfect Driver McGee, now are you? Do you understand?" 

Bakura took on Ryou's worried look as the police officer tapped on the window. Bakura rolled it down.  

"W-what seems to be the problem, Officer?" Ryou stammered. The policeman leaned over and put his elbow in the car.

"You two boys all right?" he questioned. Ryou put on a fake smile, and then elbowed Bakura in the side. Bakura shrieked, but put on a fake smile also.

"We're okay. Yep, we're fine and dandy. Yes-sir-re-Bob, we're just great, and certainly not doing anything illegal." Ryou shoved his elbow into Bakura's side again.

"Please excuse my friend here, Officer, he's 'mentally incapacitated'. Yes, we're fine. Is anything wrong?" Ryou asked.

"Well, when I saw a parked car out here, I decided to check it out. You two sure you're okay?" The policeman replied suspiciously. 

Ryou smiled  "Yes, we're fine, we just pulled over last night because we got tired." The policeman lowered his sunglasses and looked back and forth between them. 

"What are you two, twins?"

Bakura narrowed his eyes. "No."

"Brothers?"

"_No_."

"Gay?" The officer concluded. Bakura felt ready to explode.

"_No, we are not gay_!" he snapped. The policeman pushed up his sunglasses.

"Can I see your license and registration, young man?" he ordered Ryou. Ryou nervously reached into his pocket and held out his learner's permit. The policeman studied it, and handed it back to him. He then looked at Bakura. "Can I see your license, _sir_?" he asked cynically. Bakura paled.

"M-my license? Oh, you want my license. Well, you see, it's in my other pocket and- DRIVE!" he screamed at Ryou. Ryou slammed down on the gas pedal before the officer could stop them. He waddled back to his car, jumped into the seat and began chasing them. 

In our hero's car, however, a plan was being calculated. 

"_Yami, we do not need car chase music_!"

"Oh, come on! That's one of the things wrong with real life, there's no theme music!" Bakura argued, fiddling with the radio. He stopped at a radio station where they were playing a fast-paced song with beat. He frowned.

"Well, this will have to do." 

"Forget the theme music! What are we going to do?" Ryou screamed. Bakura thought for a minute.

"Okay, first I take a match and set his car on fire." He began. 

"No fires."

Bakura frowned. "Fine." He thought some more. "Well, if we _did_ set his car on fire…" 

"No fires!" Ryou repeated. Bakura thought longer. He suddenly snapped his fingers together.

"I've got it!" 

"NO FIRES!"

Bakura slumped back in his seat, disappointed. "Okay, plan two."

"Since when did we have a plan two?!" Ryou yelled sharply.

"Since I thought of a plan two. Okay, all you have to do is cut through this field." Bakura pointed to a field on the left.

"_What_?! We can't cross through a field! And what makes you so sure we'll get away from the police by going that way?" Ryou shrieked skeptically. 

"Didn't you see how crappy that police car was?! It's got to be one week from retirement!" Bakura pointed out.

"Excuse me, Mr. Let's Point Out The Obvious, but I didn't pay too much attention to his car, I was too busy looking at his gun!" he screamed. Bakura frowned.

"What are you, gay?"

"Oh my God, FINE!" Ryou turned sharply into the field. The police car also turned in pursuit, but the older car couldn't handle the rugged terrain. Bakura leaned out of the window just in time to see the policeman jump out of the car throw his hat on the ground. He smiled.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CALLING ME GAY!" he called. Ryou grabbed his belt and pulled him back in. Bakura smiled evilly.

"Hey, if you wanted to get in my pants, all you had to do was ask."

"_YAMI_!" Ryou screamed. Bakura laughed.

"Hey, I was just kidding, don't get your panties in a knot, my girly-little Aibou."

Ryou shook his head. They cleared the field and ended up on a dirt road.

"Now, all we have to do is follow this road and we'll be home." Bakura said cheerfully.

Ryou raised his eyebrow. "How do you know?"

Bakura shrugged. "I'm psychic."

"What- _no you're not_!"

"Sure I am!"

Ryou shook his head. "Fine, tell me what I'm thinking right now. And don't try reading my mind, because I'm putting up a mental block."

Bakura looked horrified. "You can't do that! We're telepathy-buddies!"

"Don't worry, I won't leave it up for long."

Bakura stared at his Aibou for a long time. "You are thinking about how good I look in these leather pants, right?"

Ryou shook his head. "No. Besides, Yuugi's Yami looks much better in leather than you do."

"Take that back!"

"Calm down, Yami. I like you better than Yuugi's Yami. Besides, I think he's gay." Ryou laughed.

Bakura smiled. "You thought so, too?" Bakura and Ryou both looked at each other and laughed insanely. Bakura suddenly pointed. 

"Hey, look! It's a city! Great, now we can get out and stretch. I don't know about you, but my legs are cramping and I can't feel my butt anymore." Bakura whined.

"Yeah, and you still smell like pancakes." Ryou pointed out.

Bakura thought about this. "How much does new clothes cost?"

"More than we have. We'll just have to find a laundry mat. Ah! There's one!" Ryou pulled over and parked in front of a small laundry mat at the corner of the street. They both jumped out of the car and stretched. Bakura stopped for a moment.

"Hey, Aibou?"

"Yes?"

"If we're going to wash our clothes, what are we going to wear?"

***

"I can't believe you talked me into this." Bakura groaned. Ryou and him were sitting side-by-side on a bench in the laundry mat wearing nothing but their boxers.

"Come on, Yami, its not so bad. Besides, no one is in here but us and that weird cashier lady." 

Bakura turned around to see the weird cashier lady, who was really really old and really really creepy. She smiled at him, and he noticed she had no teeth. He shuddered.

"Man, I could get lost in her wrinkles." He hopped off the bench and walked over to the fabric softener dispenser.

"Fabric softener is ten cents _extra_?" Bakura shook his head and wandered back to Ryou, who was reading the newspaper.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was more. Microsoft went down three points yesterday. People got to start saving money." Ryou explained. Bakura looked confused.

"What the Hell are you talking about?"

"Stocks." Ryou replied.

"Oh." Bakura said, obviously clueless about what stocks are. He sat back down. 

"I'm going to get us a cart, okay?" Ryou stood up. "Don't touch any of the buttons on the washer."

"But what if I have to?" Bakura asked.

"You won't have to."

"…But what if I want to?"

Ryou sighed. "Just don't, okay?" He turned to walk away. Bakura reached over slowly.

"_Don't touch the buttons_!" Ryou shouted. Bakura sat back down, disappointed. Ryou walked back over with a cart and sat down next to Bakura.

"Don't sit so close to me!" Bakura complained, still mad that he couldn't touch the buttons.

"But I'm cold!"

"Then sit on a dryer!"

"Fine! And you know what, I hope your leather _shrinks_!" Ryou screamed, got up and sat on the edge of the bench. They sat that way for a while before Bakura got up and sat next to Ryou. Ryou looked over at him.

"I'm cold." Bakura pouted. Ryou smiled and pulled him towards him, hugging him. Bakura hugged him back and he noticed the cashier lady smiling her toothless smile. Bakura shuddered.

"Ugh, wrinkles…" Bakura mumbled. Ryou looked at him strangely.

"What?"

"Nothing." Bakura mumbled again.

"When the clothes are done, you can set the dryer, okay?" 

"Okay…" Bakura murmured and fell asleep.

Ryou smiled at him. "Aww, I can't stay mad at you."

***

"Yami…?"

"What?" Bakura groaned, waking up. Ryou sat looking at him.

"You can set the dryer now."

Bakura looked around him to see about ten other people in the laundry mat. They were all going about their business, but they kept looking over at him and smiling.

"What is this, laundry day?" he grumbled angrily.

"I guess so. They've been asking if I was gay for a half an hour." Ryou answered.

"And that old lady is _still_ smiling at me! Where are we, the Twilight Zone?" he shouted angrily as he set the dryer. He turned towards the old lady's direction. "_And quit looking at me_!" he screamed, pointing at her. She continued smiling at him, as if she never heard. Bakura choked back an angry scream. 

"Aibou, we're getting out of here!"

"But our clothes aren't dry!"

"Then we're wearing 'em wet!"

Ryou shook his head. "Just, just sit down, Yami."

Some guy at the washer next to them smiled. 

" 'Yami'? It that some kind of pet name you have for him?" he asked, grinning.

"No! Wait, I mean yes…wait, I don't know!" Ryou stammered. Bakura glared at the man.

"Hey! Did I say you could talk to my Aibou?" Bakura yelled. The guy grinned wider. 

" 'Aibou'? What are you two, _gay_?"

Bakura twitched. 

***

"Woo, I'm glad to get out of there!" Bakura exclaimed, breathing a sigh of relief. 

Ryou laughed. "I still don't believe what you _did_ to that guy!" 

"Yeah, who could forget that?" Bakura grinned.

"It blows my mind!" Ryou and Bakura looked at each other and laughed. Ryou slowly pulled out of the parking lot. Bakura turned to look out the window.

"My Ra, that old lady is _still_ smiling at me! What's with this place?!" Bakura asked disgustedly. 

"You're really paranoid, you know that?" Ryou told Bakura. Bakura looked at him repulsively.

"I'm hungry." Bakura whined.

"Tough."

"What?" 

"We have no money."

Bakura slumped back in his seat. "But I'm hungry!"

"Then eat the seat! God knows you ate Anzu's cooking last week. It can't taste much different." Ryou replied. Bakura frowned.

"Hey, she tricked me!"

"Why did you go over there, anyway?" Ryou asked.

"It wasn't my fault! She said she had cable." Bakura answered.

"She does have cable."

Bakura perked up. "She does? Let's go to Anzu's!"

"We're not going to Anzu's. Besides, we have cable too." Ryou replied. Bakura looked nervous.

"Uh, not anymore." Ryou glared at him.

"Did you get in a fight with the cable company again?" he asked angrily. 

"Kinda."

" 'Kinda'?" Ryou questioned. Bakura thought for a minute.

"Well, yeah." Bakura concluded. Ryou put a hand over his forehead before noticing a sign on a building. He snapped his fingers together.

"That's where we can get some money for food!" Ryou exclaimed, pointing to the sign. Bakura frowned.

"Blood drive? What's that?" he asked.

"You give them blood, and they give you money." Ryou answered.

"Are they vampires?" Bakura whispered. Ryou blinked.

"What? No! They send it to hospitals so people can get blood transfusions." Ryou explained. Bakura sighed with relief.

"Wait, what's a blood transfusion?" Bakura asked.

"When people get your blood put into them." 

Bakura looked horrified. "That's…disgusting." 

Ryou nodded. "Yeah, and that's why you're doing it and not me."

"But-why me?!" Bakura screeched. 

"Because you look older than me, and I have an irrational fear of needles." Ryou answered.

"What-no you don't!" 

Ryou shoved him out of the car.

"Okay, I'll come back in ten minutes! I'm just going to drive around the block for a while! See you!" Ryou smiled and drove off, leaving Bakura all alone. Bakura grumbled and walked up to the lady in front of the building. She smiled as he approached.

"Hi! Are you interested in giving blood?" she chirped.

"No, but I'm going to give some anyway."

She smiled. "Okay. Before you give blood, though, you have to fill out this form." She handed a piece of paper to Bakura, along with a pencil. He looked down at it and started filling it out.

Blood Donation Form 

Name: Yami Bakura

Occupation: Tomb Raider

Age: 5,015 years old, give or take a few years

Sex: Yeah, defiantly want some of that

Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a woman before?

Oh yeah, there was this one girl, Nauhatali, who sold pottery in the village I used to live in. She was totally in love with me. Yeah, she was a slut.

Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a man before?

At this, Bakura snapped the pencil in half.

"Even the paper mocks me!" he yelled. The lady looked up.

"Is there a problem?" she asked. He shook his head.

"No. I'm done." He handed the form back to her. Without even looking at it, she placed it in a folder. She smiled at him.

"Okay, go right through the door."

***

Ryou drove up ten minutes later to an angry Bakura sitting on the sidewalk with a Band-Aid on his arm and a paper cup of orange juice. Ryou leaned over and opened his door for him.

"Well howdy, Mr. Pouty. What's the matter, did they forget to give you a lollipop?" Ryou joked. Bakura sat down and slammed the door.

"They asked me if I was gay!" Bakura shouted.

"Are you sure?" Ryou asked. 

"The had me fill out this form and one of the question asked me if I ever had sex with a guy before!" 

Ryou laughed. "Yami, they're supposed to ask you that. It's standard procedure. They didn't ask you if you were gay."

Bakura slumped into his seat fuming. 

"They have good orange juice, though." He said, taking a sip. 

"Let me try some!" Ryou reached over and tried some. "Hey, that is good! You think it's concentrate?" 

Bakura shrugged. "Nah, I think it's freshly squeezed. We should buy some freshly squeezed orange juice when we get home." 

Ryou looked around. 

"Yeah, if we ever _get_ home."

-----------------

(A/N)

End-O-Chapter Three! Will they ever get home? And what's with the creepy old fat guy who has the hots for Ryou? Find out in the next and last chapter! Chapter Four; "Don't You Touch Him!"

Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


	4. Don't You Touch Him!

Bakura:

Master Backseat

Driver from the Stars 

and__

_Beyond!_****

By:

_SpookyChild___

Author's Notes:

Woohoo! It's the fourth and last chapter of the story! 

Disclaimer: As always, I don't Yu-Gi-Oh. And I don't own any of the poems Bakura says. I DIDN'T WRITE THEM. Okay, got that cleared up. Oh, and I don't own Bill Clinton. 'Nuff said.

Chapter Four: Don't You Touch Him!

"Where are we going?" Bakura asked.

"To get some food. You like sandwiches, right?"

"Yeah." Bakura answered. He pointed to a restaurant called 'Luigi's'. "Do they sell sandwiches there?"

"That's an Italian restaurant. They don't sell sandwiches." Ryou explained. Bakura looked confused.

"Really? I thought they just named it after Mario's brother." Ryou shook his head.

"No. That's where we're going." Ryou pointed to a small deli on the corner of the street. Ryou pulled into the parking lot and they both got out.

"Why aren't we going to a restaurant?" Bakura asked. 

"After going to the 'House of Pancakes', do you really want to go to another restaurant?" Bakura shuddered.

"Man, that guy with the hash browns was so…fat." 

They entered the deli. Bakura dragged Ryou over to the snack stand.

"I want that, I want that, I want that, I want that-," Bakura asked, pointing to everything on the stand. Ryou flicked Bakura in the nose.

"We're not spending all of our money on snacks for you! Now what kind of sandwich do you want?"

Bakura rubbed his nose angrily. "Turkey."

Ryou walked up to the cashier. "Two turkey sandwiches and two cokes." The cashier handed him the food and his change.

"Here." Ryou handed Bakura's sandwich to him. They walked outside and sat on a bench.

"Man, this is good!" Bakura exclaimed, finishing off the rest of it. He looked over at Ryou's. "Are you going to eat the rest of that?" Ryou handed the rest of his sandwich to him. 

"Hey, you guys are twins!"

Ryou and Bakura looked up to see two girls standing over them.

"No, we are not twins." Bakura growled through his teeth.

"Really?" One of the girls said.

"Are you guys brothers?" The second one asked. 

"_No_, we are not brothers."

The two girls looked at each.

"Well then what are you?" They asked simultaneously. Bakura's eyebrow twitched.

/Yami, please don't say anything. /

//No, I'm going to clear this up once and for all. //

/I was afraid of that…. /

"We are soul mates! We are two halves of a whole! I'm his darkness and he is my light! Without him, I'm nothing! Without me, he is nothing! Together, we are complete! You get it?" 

The girls giggled. Ryou put his head in his hands and sighed.

"All you had to say was that you're gay." The girls giggled.

Bakura twitched.

/We've got to work on that twitching thing…it might be a tumor. /

"IT'S NOT A TUMOR!" Bakura screamed.

The girls looked at each other and walked away slowly. Bakura opened his soda and took a drink.

"You should have gotten me beer." he complained.

"I think I need one… Well, let's get going." Ryou threw away their trash. "I'll be right back; I'm going to ask someone for directions. Watch the car." Ryou turned around and walked back into the deli. 

Bakura leaned against the hood. He reached over and started flicking the car antennae. It broke off in his hand.

"Oh shit!" Bakura exclaimed. He looked around nervously before hurling the antennae behind a dumpster. Ryou came back.

"Okay, let's go."

"Can I drive for a while?" Bakura asked.

"I don't know, you don't know the directions." Ryou answered.

"That's okay; I'll just search your thoughts for the directions." Bakura stared into Ryou's eyes. Ryou blinked.

"Hey! Stop it!" Ryou shrieked. Bakura smiled evilly.

"You're thinking some dirty thoughts!"

"Get out of there!" 

"So can I drive?" Bakura asked again. Ryou nodded.

"Yeah. I'm tired; I think I'll take a nap." Ryou and Bakura climbed into the car. 

"Wake me up in about an hour, okay?"

"Okay." Bakura answered as he pulled out of the parking lot.

***

Ryou opened his eyes. He had been asleep defiantly more than an hour, because it was almost dusk. He looked around.

"Where are we?" he croaked. Bakura turned to look at him, and then looked out the window.

"You know what? I really don't know." Bakura answered. Ryou looked around to see nothing but countryside on either side of them.

"_Didn't you follow the directions_?!" Ryou screamed. 

Bakura shrugged. "I thought I did."

"Stop the car!" 

"What?"

"Stop the car, _right now_!"

Bakura slammed on the brakes.

"What the Hell's wrong now?" Bakura asked. Ryou got out of the car.

"I can't believe you got us lost! Again!" he screamed. Bakura also got out of the car.

"Relax; I can get us out of this!" Bakura started. Ryou shook his head angrily.

"No, you can't! You can't seem to do anything right! You think you can do whatever you want, and not think about anyone else! I want to go home! I've wanted to go home for the last two days! But every time I think I can trust you again, you do something like this! Well you know what? I'm through with it!" 

Bakura blinked at Ryou's out burst. "I-I'm sorry."

Ryou placed a hand over his eyes. "No, I am. I shouldn't yell at you. You tried." 

"Where's my hug?" Bakura mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Aww, did you just ask for a hug?"

"…Yes." Ryou smiled and hugged him. Bakura looked over to see a bird land on their car. It looked at him and chirped. Bakura jumped back.

"Did that bird just call us gay?" he shrieked. Ryou raised his eyebrow.

"Aibou, where's my shotgun?" Bakura demanded. Ryou sighed.

"You didn't bring it."

Bakura's shoulders slumped. "Oh."

They both turned around and got back into the car.

"Just get us out of here, okay Yami?"

Bakura smiled. "No problem." He turned the key in the ignition. 

And nothing happened.

Bakura frowned and tried again. Nothing.

"What's wrong?" Ryou asked.

"The car won't start!"

"Are we out of gas?" Ryou questioned. Bakura shook his head. 

"We have half a tank!" Bakura slumped against his seat. 

"What a time for the car to break down." Ryou exclaimed. Bakura shrugged and jumped out of the car. 

"Well, I guess we have to hitchhike." Bakura stuck out his thumb. Ryou walked over to him and looked up and down the street.

"Yami, we're in the middle of nowhere."

"That's why you have to stick out your thumb or they won't see you."

Ryou sighed and stuck out his thumb. 

***

They had been standing on the side of the road for three hours without any sign of humanity. Ryou had long since retired to sitting. Only after a few minutes of waiting, Bakura had started singing "One Million Bottles of Beer on the Wall".

"…Four hundred and ninety six bottles of beer on the wall, four hundred and ninety six bottles, you take one down, pass it around, four hundred and ninety five bottle of beer on the wall-OW!" Bakura rubbed the side of his head where Ryou had thrown a rock at it. Ryou glared at him.

"Sing that again and I'll stab you with the next piece of glass I find."

Bakura dropped to the ground. "I'm just trying to pass the time. Don't get all bitchy with me."

Ryou rubbed his temples. "Just be quiet. I have a headache."

"Are you dieing?" Bakura whispered fearfully.

"What? No, I'm not dieing!" Ryou snapped. Bakura suddenly jumped up.

"Hey! Someone's coming!" Bakura waved to the car. It was a small two-seater, and really beat up looking. The car slowed and stopped in front of them. The driver leaned over and rolled down the window.

"Where you two boys headin'?" The driver was a creepy old fat guy. He grinned at Ryou. Ryou's eyes widened and he pulled Bakura to the side.

"We can't tell him where we live, so we'll just ask him to drop us off at school, okay?" Ryou whispered. Bakura gave him the thumbs-up.

"No problem." Bakura turned to the guy. "Can you take up to Domino High?"

"That's a pretty long ways away. But for you-," He winked at Ryou, "I'll do it." 

Bakura glared at the man. He didn't like him. Ryou and Bakura piled into his car, but due to the fact that it was a two-seater, they both were squashed into the passenger seat, with Ryou in the middle. The man started up the car and began driving.

"So, what're you two boys doing out here so late?" The man asked. Ryou started to answer, but Bakura interrupted him.

"I doubt that it's any of your business, so just continue…whatever you're doing."

"…You mean driving?"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!"

The driver shrugged and continued driving. He looked over at Ryou.

"So what's your name?" He asked, smiling strangely. Ryou shrunk back against Bakura.

"…Ryou…" he answered quietly. The driver smiled and looked over to Bakura.

"What's yours?" he asked without any interest. Bakura glared at him.

"None of your business." Bakura answered. The driver shrugged.

"Whatever."

"Yami?" Ryou whispered. Bakura leaned over.

"What?"

"This guy is…creepy. He keeps looking at me."

"Want me to punch him?"

"No! He's our ride home!" Ryou shrieked. The guy looked over, so Ryou lowered his voice. 

"It's just…"

"You don't like him?"

"Right."

"I think he smells like pants." Bakura stated.

"_What? How do you know what pants smell like?" Ryou asked._

"I wear a pair every day. Well, except on Thursdays."

Ryou shook his head.

"Well, you guys can call me Carl." The driver said. Bakura narrowed his eyes.

"Why?" 

The driver raised his eyebrow. "Well, because that's my name."

Bakura shrugged. "Fair enough." 

"So, what's the story between you two? I mean, are you twins?" Carl asked. Bakura twitched.

"No, we are not twins!"

"Oh, I thought so. You see, you two look a lot alike, but Ryou here looks more…how can I say this? More innocent." He grinned evilly. Ryou shrunk back more against Bakura. Bakura snorted.

"And what am I, Bill Clinton?" he asked irritably. Carl shook his head.

"No. I'm just saying he must be your younger brother."

"Well, you're wrong, because we aren't even related."

Carl looked surprised. "Oh. So, you two must be a couple." Bakura choked back a scream.

"_We are not gay!" he screamed, obviously because he couldn't choke it back. Carl shrugged._

"Whatever you say."

They sat in silence for a while. It was broken, though, when Ryou screamed and jumped onto Bakura's lap.

"What?! What's the matter?!" Bakura yelled, shoving Ryou off of his lap. 

"He tried to feel me up!" Ryou cried hysterically.

"_What?!"_

Carl reached over again. "Come on, don't be shy…"

Bakura reached over and pulled Ryou back on his lap. 

"Don't you touch him! He's mine!" Bakura shrieked, hugging Ryou protectively.

"But I thought you two weren't together!" Carl exclaimed. 

"If that's what it takes to get you to leave him alone, then yes. We are very, very gay." Bakura replied.

Carl sighed. "All the good ones are taken." 

Bakura glared at him. 

"Watch the road!" Bakura shouted when Carl looked over at them. 

//Aibou? I'm going to put you down now, okay? //

/Don't put me down! / 

//Okay! Okay! I won't put you down. // 

Bakura thought for a moment.

//So, um, did you gain weight or something? //

/Yami! /

//I'm just saying! You're getting a little heavy; I mean you're sitting on something that's not supposed to have _that much weight on it. //_

"It's not that big anyways." Ryou said aloud, not thinking. Carl smiled.

"He's not big enough to take care of you, eh?"

Ryou waved his hands in protest. "No, no, big enough."

"Damn straight it is!" Bakura exclaimed, "-And hey! Crazy Carl! Did I say you could talk to my Aibou?!"

Crazy Carl frowned. "That boy's all wrong for you. You need someone sensitive, like me."

"Hey! You're not sensitive! You're crazy! That's where Crazy Carl comes from!" Bakura shouted. "And besides, I'm sensitive!" 

Ryou frowned. "No you're not."

"Sure I am!" Bakura cleared his throat.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.

For me there lies, within the lights and shadows of your eyes

The only beauty that is never old.

Doubt thou the stars are fire.

Doubt that the sun doth move.

Doubt truth to be a liar.

But never doubt I love."

Ryou's mouth fell open. 

"Y-Yami…"

Bakura smiled. "I don't know what I would do without you, my little Hikari…" Bakura embraced Ryou.

"…Yeah, I would probably buy a big-screen T.V., move on with my life. But there would be a whole day where I would just be inconsolable. You know, when they're delivering the T.V."

Ryou patted him on the back. "Uh, thanks, Yami."

Crazy Carl wiped tears from his eyes. "Aww, I can't compete with that. You two are perfect together!"

The police sirens interrupted the happy little couple moment…thing. Crazy Carl pulled over to the side.

"I wasn't speedin'!" Crazy Carl cried.

"Actually", the policeman explained, "You were swerving a little recklessly."

"I told you to watch the road!" Bakura yelled. The policeman ignored him.

"You been drinking, sir?" he asked. Crazy Carl shook his head.

"I have to be sure of that. Step out of the car, please." Crazy Carl stepped out. The policeman shined the flashlight in on Ryou and Bakura. They suddenly realized that Ryou was still sitting on Bakura's lap. Ryou jumped off.

"Hey!" the policeman cried out, noticing them, "I got a call about you two for evading the police earlier this morning! Get out here!" 

Ryou and Bakura both jumped out of the car and followed the officer to his car. He pulled out two pairs of handcuffs and handcuffed Ryou to Bakura and Bakura to the steering wheel of the police car. He smirked.

"Now I don't have to worry about you guys getting away." He led Crazy Carl to the back of the car to proceed with the Sobriety Test. 

/What are we going to do _now, Yami?! /_

Bakura thought for a moment. He looked over his shoulder to make sure the officer wasn't looking.

//Brace yourself. //

/Wha-? /

Ryou was stopped suddenly when Bakura fell back with enough force that he broke the steering wheel off. Ryou's eyes widened. 

/How did you do that? /

Bakura shrugged.

"Hey, you two!" The policeman shouted. 

"Uh oh, time to go!" Bakura shouted, dragging Ryou with him to Crazy Carl's car. Bakura jumped into the driver's seat.

"Get in! What are you waiting for?" Bakura screamed at Ryou. Ryou looked around.

"I can't! I'm on your left!" 

"Oh, shut up and get in!" Bakura grabbed Ryou and sat him on his lap and stepped on the gas. The cop tried to chase after them, but due to the fact that his steering wheel was missing, he didn't get very far. 

"He's going to call for back up!" Ryou shrieked. 

"Look in the rear-view mirror."

Ryou looked in the mirror to see Crazy Carl holding the broken radio and waving at him.

"Bye, honey!" He called after Ryou. Ryou waved back slightly.

"Jeez, your head's in the way! Get down!" Bakura shoved Ryou down so he could see. 

"Um, Yami, this isn't the most comfortable, need I say_ pleasant, position to be in."_

"Stop your complaining, you know you like it." Bakura smirked. Ryou shook his head and sighed.

"Why do I even talk to you?"

"Because we're telepathy-buddies!" Bakura explained happily. Ryou looked around.

"Hey, I recognize this place! Look! There's Yami and Yuugi's house!" He exclaimed. 

"Great! Let's go over there! Maybe they can help get these handcuffs off." 

"Yami, it's three in the morning. They're probably sleeping." Ryou stated. Bakura snorted.

"Not if I can help it!" He turned sharply and screeched to a halt on their driveway. Bakura jumped out, dragging Ryou with him.

"Open up, Pharaoh!" Bakura shouted, banging on the door. They heard some rustling inside, along with some whispering. The door finally opened. 

"Hello? Oh, hi guys! Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for the pass two days!" Yuugi exclaimed as he opened the door. Yami stood right behind him.

"It's a long story." Bakura said.

"Then don't tell it." Yami replied.

"Okay, I'll tell it."

Yami sighed.

Bakura cleared his throat. "Okay, it all started…" 

***

"…and that's the whole story." Bakura finished. Yami and Yuugi simply stared at them. Yami shifted his gaze to Bakura's wrist, which was handcuffed to a steering wheel.

"Are you guys-." Yami started. Bakura interrupted him.

"Gay? Gay?! Yes! Yes we are! Are you happy now?!" he screamed. 

"You too?!" Yuugi squealed. Yami clamped his hand over Yuugi's face.

"Oh, don't mind him, he's half asleep." Yami smiled nervously. Yuugi clawed at Yami's hand.

"Yami, I can't breathe!" he cried. 

"Sure you can." Yami smiled again. 

"Uh, so anyways, can you guys help us get these handcuffs off?" Ryou asked. 

"I don't think so." Yami replied. "You should go home and check Bakura's stash. He probably has something to pick locks with. After all, he is a thief."

Bakura snapped his fingers together. "Of course I do! Come on, Aibou, let's go home."

As they started out the door, Yami called to them. "Hey, when you're done with those handcuffs, can we borrow them?"

Bakura stopped for a moment to think. 

"Yeah, sure. We'll bring them over tomorrow." He led Ryou out the door. Yami closed it behind them.

"Handcuffs, huh? You're so kinky, Yami." Yuugi giggled. Yami smiled evilly.

"Oh shut up, you know you like it."

***

"Yami, you've been at it for hours." 

"It's coming! I can feel it!"

The door to the room swung open, and Ryou's dad entered.

"Where have you two been-?" He noticed the two boys lying on the bed handcuffed. "-Oh, I'll come back later." Ryou's dad quickly closed the door. 

"Man, now my dad thinks we're gay!" Ryou complained.

"I'm just picking the lock!" Bakura cried. 

Ryou looked over at Bakura and blushed. "You know, since everyone thinks we're gay, maybe we are."

Bakura looked at him disgustedly.

"My Ra, you're gay."

-----------------

(A/N)

Okay, it's the end of the road! I thank everyone who reviewed, and I like to thank my sister Noriko, who is the "Master Backseat Fanfiction Writer from the Stars and Beyond!" I'm planning on doing many more of the 'Bakura the Master' stories, so if you guys have any ideas on what you want to read, please e-mail me at Spook_Gir@yahoo.com. And also let me know if you want me to do a Yami and Yuugi series. 

*** 

Preview for the next saga; "Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and _Beyond!"_

It's Ryou and Bakura's anniversary, and Bakura's dead set on giving his little Aibou the best party and gift. 

"I didn't know you guys were married." Malik, and just about everyone else asked them. 

"WE'RE NOT!" Bakura yells.

And wait 'till you see what Yami suckers Bakura into getting Ryou.

"Only the best for your little Aibou!" Yami grinned.

You won't believe what it is!

"I got this for you, Aibou." Bakura said, getting down on one knee.

Ryou was speechless, and you'll be too! Stay tuned my minions!

*** 

So, as always, until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.


End file.
